catch up and merry Funtime

I guess when I called this blog 'the occasional musings' I kinda knew that after the first burst of enthusiasm I might fall behind. It's not like I need to answer to anybody - I'm not entirely sure anyone reads this blog, and funnily enough, I don't really care that much - but I guess for me to remember, it's good to post as often as care to.

Something about me I've realised - I have the worst memory. Often friends will say to me "don't you remember?" or "how could you not remember?". A few years ago, this dude came up to me in a video store and was like "hey! I used to be your statistics tutor", and I was like "yeah, um, that wasn't me" (scoffing to myself "man, these whiteys think we all look the same")... an hour later I suddenly remembered that he was a guy who tutored me in Stats for like 2-3 years in the final years of school. Years. I mean, talk about scatty.

Anyway, the point of all this is a simple one - I think that subconsciously, maybe I've become a filmmaker because of my bad memory. I have this strange compulsion to make a record of things, to keep them for later. I thought about whether this might be the age old thing of wanting to make your mark, wanting to be immortal in some or any way shape or form, but that isn't the full reason I think - I think I keep all this stuff because I don't trust myself to remember it. And the past is always important - always. Not just the happy times - the bad times as well and most of all, the mundane times. The everyday things and the way everyday changes. So maybe I'm who I am because of how I am. Filmmaking for me isn't just a career, it's a way of being. It sounds a little wanky, but for my self-discovery, it's rather profound.

So it's been a really interesting month since the last entry. Something I really wanted to blog about stemmed from my experiences in Singapore at the Asian Festival of 1st Films. Being a festival for 1st-time filmmakers, lots of advice and support was offered and among the wisdoms imparted to us was the idea that as a filmmaker who had had a small degree of early success, I needed to promote myself, get myself out there, get myself onto the next level and network like crazy.

Now, in theory, I don't have a problem with this. It makes perfect sense, and I don't really mind doing the whole PR thing so far - interviews can actually be rather wonderful experiences, as was the one with Radio New Zealand that translated, apparently, into a very compelling interview. I like people who ask you questions and are actually interested in the answer.

Networking, I've discovered, is about, among other things, having a thick skin. Being able to talk yourself up to people who might not have been that interested in you in the first place. It's advertising, plain and simple, trying to conince people who didn't need you to begin with that they can't do without you.

I don't like networking. There, I've said it. If people aren't interested in me or what I have to say, then I'd rather not talk to them. And vice versa too, I'm not a social sadist or masochist. What I can't stand are people who are only interested in you for as long as they think you might be useful to them. Who care so little about people as to literally change their demeanour towards you within seconds once they've "sussed" you out. I am appalled by people like this, and I'm also appalled that so many of these people seem to get into places of power while being like this. There is no excuse for rudeness. None, ever. And I don't want to work in any space, for any amount of time during which I have to deal with these kinds of people. I've managed OK so far without having to suffer pricks, so I'll just keep trucking that way. Whatever happens happens. At least I'll be sans pricks. It's worth it.

Don't get me wrong. There were heaps of lovely, genuine, warm people there, and I loved the experience because of them. The last thing I would want is to seem ungrateful. Man, this year, I've been flown to Melbourne, Tokyo and Singapore, and I am so, so very lucky. I'm learning, and I'm up for any lessons this ride has to teach me. I'm constantly in wonder at how this career has fulfilled me in so many ways. But I'm an artist (and god, the wankiness of that statement isn't lost on me) - so the bottom line? Money and success is not what is driving me here. Sure, I want people to see my films, but I'm not going to try and get as many people as possible to see my films because first and foremost, I need to want to see my films. Furthermore, I'm convinced that other people respond to truth, and I can't be truthful when I'm thinking about money. Thems the breaks.

Anyway. Pricks aside, it was overall a really positive experience. Winning the award was a real highpoint. Extra yays for that!

And of course, it wouldn't be right not to wish everyone a Merry Funtime. It's my own secular greeting - do you like it? I know it needs work, but it was the best I could come up with right now.

Breakfast:
a Ferrero Rocher. (what? It's Christmas... err, I mean, Funtime!)